Thursday, September 27, 2012

Cleaning house

In effort to save my marriage, one thing I have to do is get my house in good shape before I get my husband home from his operating center tomorrow. I've put it off too long, so I have a lot to do and not a lot of time to do it in. This is Crisis Cleaning at its worst. Fortunately, I have plans to do a massive de-clutter on Sunday. My mom is watching my boys and we are hitting the basement and getting stuff out of here. You can't clean clutter. It has gotten bad. We are holding too much junk. This is also true with my emotional junk. I am in the process of trying to sort out some things and clear them out. (I have body clutter too, but pregnancy is not time to lose weight, just to try not to gain too much again.) I am going to start my baby steps over.
It isn't easy realizing that you've been holding a grudge against your spouse for 4 years, but that is exactly what I've done. When I was expecting our first son he moved someone in with us that I clashed with at every turn. She is the mother of a friend and she had lost her apartment after her mother passed away. Part of me wanted to help, but I knew that she lied. She lied a lot. She lied about things that didn't matter to us, and she lied to get pity and attention. She had no income and no desire to get a job. She had a horrible sense of entitlement and expected us to pay for all of her expenses for an undefined amount of time. She also spurred fights between me and my Superman. He has a big heart. I love that about him, but I couldn't stand that he was putting me in such an uncomfortable position. Situations changed, the woman moved out before our second child was born and got a job. Superman changed, he realized he was hurting me, but the damage was done. I didn't trust him to have the best interests of our family at heart. I have been moody, depressed, anxious, unyielding in my way of doing things. I got lazy. I was afraid that if I changed, if I let him back in, he'd hurt me like that again. We got married in 2011, but I wasn't myself. I have been a bitter shell holding on to the edge of what I want but afraid to take it into myself and lay myself bare to the fact that I was mad at him.  Now it is definitely time to forgive him. To forget the hurt, but remember the lesson. To stand up for myself and to show him love and respect in ways he understands, and to let him love me again. I have found another resource to help me too. Hearts At Home ( is an online community and forum for Moms. They cover topics from marriage, faith, and family to home and organizing. I would love to be able to attend one of the conferences. That would be an awesome experience.
I highly recommend the Fly Lady method for anyone struggling with housekeeping. (

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